Love has 5 languages, can you express it?
According to research by psychologists, the average life expectancy of a soul-stirring relationship is two years.
Once you are intoxicated and enter into a real marriage, your true desires, emotions, and behavioral patterns will take shape.
As a marriage expert, Gary?
Dr. Chapman encounters a variety of repetitive complaints every day, whether in a marriage lecture hall or on a 30,000-foot aircraft.
“Why are there so many” 101 Ways to Show Love to Your Spouse “in the magazine, and people are still so distressed about love?
“This has led Chapman to delve into the crux of it.
After more than 20 years of research, he found that it is not that these ways of showing love are bad.
However, even if there are 10,000 ways of showing love, using it in the wrong place is like speaking Chinese to the British, it is useless.
In his opinion, the language of love that everyone needs can be classified into 5 kinds: positive words, careful moments, receiving gifts, service actions, and physical contact.
Love Word 1: Sure Word Psychologist William?
James (WiamJames) said that the deepest need of human beings is to feel appreciated.
For those who have a low level of security and have an inferiority complex, courage usually appears when they feel secure.
At this time, if the spouse can give some words of encouragement, it will often stimulate the other party’s great potential.
Keywords: encouragement, affirmation, kindness, Qian and Li Mei hope that her husband can help her wax the floor.
No matter how to remind her, her husband is indifferent, but instead, he looks at the MTV Unplugged music video every weekend and looks drunk.
A year passed, and Li Mei grew more and more annoyed.
”Are you sure he knows that your request is to wax you?
The consultant asked.
“I am sure.
… ‘Are you satisfied with what your husband did?
. ‘he loves to be neat and never throws his socks off.
He is my car for maintenance.
如果朋友一起吃饭，他总是抢先埋单…一…‘我的建议是，从现在起，不要再提帮你打蜡的事，下回丈夫帮你做的任何事情，你都口头赞美他一下，For example, thank you for helping me to refuel, not to say that my car is running out of fuel, ‘Go ahead and refuel . One’ left, Li Mei was not happy with the result of the consultation.
After 3 weeks, she excitedly called the consultant: “Your advice is very effective.
“Many people grow up in a family with strict discipline. No matter how hard they work, parents’ praises are very embarrassing.
Such a child will have a more serious crisis of self-confidence as an adult, which also develops his / her main love word-positive words.
For them, being appreciated and praised is better than others.
Also, encouragement is not pressure.
If the wife does not want to lose weight, and the husband says “you must be thinner” is not a kind of encouraging love.
When the other person is willing to do one thing, send in the positive words he / she needs.
Exercise: If your spouse’s love words are “positive words” 1.
Use a card to write “Words are important” and stick them to your vanity mirror.
2 Write down the positive words you say to him / her every day, stick to it for a week, and then look at your records with him / her.
You may find that you are saying very well, or are actually very poor.
Set a goal, say something different to your spouse every day for a week.
Find the advantages of your spouse and tell him how much you appreciate those advantages.
4.When you feel poor in words, pay attention to the positive words in the press.
Write a love letter to him / her.
Praise him / her in front of his / her parents and friends.
Tell him / her how much you appreciate his / her advantage.
Love Word 2: Crafted Moments What are crafted moments?
The answer is: give each other full attention.
Have you noticed that the men and women joining together, premarital dating and married couples are very different: the former looks at each other, while the other looks away.
Therefore, a well-designed moment must be an intensive conversation, or a candlelight dinner with only you two, or a walk in hand.
Activities are actually secondary, and it is important to take the time to “lock in”
each other’s emotions.
Keywords: together, careful conversation, learning conversation “She has always refused me to have no time with her, but I am really busy.
“Chen Tong has been describing his career, how he has come to this day and his future dream.
-“Do you live alone or do you want to live with your wife and children?
The consultant asked.
“Of course, I want to be with my family and let them share my achievements: Isn’t the house changing?
The child also entered a bilingual kindergarten, so I was even more sad to hear her disappointed.
“The counselor said,” Why did the wife refuse?
Because her love box is empty.
Maybe she didn’t want more clothes and jewelry, you only gave her a little time.
In your love, she doesn’t feel safe.
Therefore, please try to spend some time for your wife, not to listen to her while watching TV, but to give her a careful moment to concentrate on listening to her.
“Even if you’re clumsy, don’t worry about not being able to send out well-prepared moments.
You just nodded and said, oh yes, okay.
I believe it will be effective.
Your spouse is not located in the main cub you take, what he / she cares about is that you can accompany him / her wholeheartedly.
Exercise: If the spouse’s love words are elaborate moment 1.
Take a walk together and ask each other, “What was the most interesting thing about your childhood?
Ask your spouse to make a list of the 5 activities he / she likes to do with you.
For the next 5 months, do one per month.
Ask him / her, where does he / she like to stay when talking to you?
. maybe next time you talk, you will lean on the sofa, and it will be 9pm.
Think of an activity that he / she likes very much but you rarely ask, some kind of lottery, think of the Internet Open.
Tell him / her that you want to participate with him / her once this month.
Find some time every day to share the fun of the day.
In the future budget, arrange a trip with only you two.
Love Word 3: Accept Gifts Gifts are a visual symbol of love.
It can be made or found for nothing.
A gift is a reminder of “I still love you”. In fact, it is one of the easiest languages to learn.
Keywords: gifts and money, treat yourself as a gift. Exercise: If your spouse’s love is to accept gifts 1.
Try a big gift show: send him / her a piece of chocolate in the morning; send a romantic message in the afternoon: send him at night, she will have a bunch of flowers . and observe his / her reaction.
If he / she is surprised and happy, congratulations, his / her love is to accept gifts.
Make gifts yourself.
Maybe it was just a stone I picked up on my way home with rough texture.
Its appearance is not good.
Just attach a small box and it’s OK, because the note on it says: It’s like me, waiting for you to polish.
Choose a Wednesday and give your spouse a gift every day. To be sure, your spouse will remember this day, just like remembering the time of a honeymoon trip.
Store “gift ideas” as long as your spouse accidentally says “I like.
“Just write it down quietly.
You must not forget the gift of long-lasting love, certain wedding anniversary, birthday, etc.
Perhaps planting a tree somewhere is both creative and boastful.
Love Word 4: Act of Service This means doing what your spouse wants you to do, and you serve him / her to make him / her happy and show love to him / her.
When men and women are in love, serving each other is voluntary and even exhausting.
But after marriage, many people became completely different.
”Before we got married, he always accompanied me to wash the dishes. Now, he doesn’t even want me to return to my family.
Zhang Ye said.
“The consultant asked the man.
“When in love, I can’t see her without going to her house, and her parents are very strict in this regard.
And I think it’s natural to help her do this, that for the person I love.
After marriage, I didn’t do it because my father never did it at home.
I’m not unwilling to return to her parents’ house, but I hope there are 3 days in the week, and dinner will be ready when I get home from work, but she can’t.
“” When dating, what makes you think he really loves you?
The consultant asked Zhang Huan.
“He is willing to help me with everything.
Zhang Ye replied, so after marriage, if your husband doesn’t help you, you will feel that he has less love for you; but your husband wants you to become his parent’s model: men go to work, women take care of all housework.
However, this is completely different from the requirements when you are dating him . “The consultant asked each party to write a list. If it causes the above-mentioned things, he will feel very happy.
Zhang Ye’s list: I hope he can take care of my children after work, especially when I’m cooking: accompany me back to my mother’s house at least once a month, don’t let me lose face: take me to watch occasionally when playing basketball with friends,Don’t leave me alone at weekends to do housework at home.
Husband’s List: She started cooking at least before I went home so that she could start cooking in 40 minutes: She could make the bed after getting up every day: On the phone with my parents once a week.
If your spouse’s love words are service actions, you can list more on the list, such as 10, and ask the other party to sort them by certain order.
If the economy allows, you can hire someone to complete your “service action.”
In addition, you can ask the other person, “If I can do a special service this week, what do you want?
“I believe that soon, your spouse’s love box will be full.
Love 5: Physical contact Physical contact is a subtle way of human emotional communication and a powerful tool for the expression of love.
Sex life is just one way of this kind of love, holding hands, kissing, hugging, and touching are all physical contacts.
For some people, physical contact is their primary language of love.
Knowing it, they can’t feel love.
It is important to note that if you have hurt your spouse with slight violence, be sure to ask for forgiveness.
Also, discuss with your spouse what kind of physical contact you prefer.
Keywords: touching, stroking exercises: If the spouse’s love words are physical contact1.
Use your knee or foot to lightly touch your spouse’s knee or foot during meals.
Be careful not to touch the dog under your feet.
When your spouse is cooking or watching TV, gently hug him / her from behind for at least 5 minutes, until he / she does not want you to do this.
Of course, you have to overcome the urge to immediately embrace him / her into the bedroom.
Fill the bathtub with warm water and say to your spouse, would you like to come together?
While walking, hold his / her hand.
When family and friends visit, hug your spouse in front of them, or put your hands on his / her shoulders.
You will definitely get a double emotional high score for your spouse because you are telling him / her, “Despite so many people, I still have to say that I love you.